Your "Enemy" Is Also Suffering
Keeping our hearts open, even in times of conflict.
“When you begin to see that your enemy is suffering, that is the beginning of insight.” - Thich Nhat Hahn
I think most of you will agree with me that the world feels really overwhelming and full of violence right now (maybe it always has). There are so many atrocities happening - from the slaughtering of hundreds of thousands in Gaza to the continued policing of trans bodies in the U.S. All of this violence and harm makes people angry, as it should. But I’ve been noticing that, for so many, this anger quickly becomes hatred that is then attached to specific people, groups, ethnicities, etc. So, how can we embrace our anger without shutting down our hearts or falling into the habit of othering others?
Before I continue it is important for me to recognize that as a cis white-passing woman from a middle/upper class family in the U.S. I come with a lot of privilege. I do not face continuous discrimination due to my skin color, gender identity, or sexual preference. And while I am sharing what I consider to be my truth on this matter, I am very open to and interested in hearing the perspectives of others.
It might seem obvious, but those who inflict immense suffering are also deeply suffering themselves. Think about it - to commit acts of violence against another being (human or otherwise) a person must be profoundly disconnected from the fact that we are all interconnected and that any pain inflicted on another is also pain inflicted on oneself. Let’s not forget that the way people treat others is a reflection of how they treat themselves. So if someone is causing pain, they are also in pain.
But what do we do with this information, you might ask? Understanding that our enemies (if we even want to keep using this language) are suffering does not mean that we should let them to continue doing harmful things. It does not mean that we stop speaking out against genocide, racism, and fascism. What it means, however, is that while we condemn acts of violence and hold those responsible accountable, we do not close our hearts to the individuals involved.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the murder of the United Healthcare CEO Brian Thomson and how this perspective applies to that situation. We can acknowledge the suffering and anger of countless Americans without access to adequate healthcare, empathize with those burdened by debt or mourning loved ones lost due to insufficient care, and recognize the pain that drove the gunman, Luigi Mangione, to the act of shooting another. At the same time, we can hold space for the grief of Brian Thomson’s family and loved ones. By sitting with and acknowledging the pain on all sides, we come to realize that the lines between victim and villain blur, leaving only people grappling with their own suffering.
Another situation that has weighed heavily on my heart and mind is the ongoing genocide of the Palestinian people carried out by the Zionist state of Israel. While it feels more challenging to view this through a lens of compassion, I believe it is still essential. Over the past year, I’ve felt my heart harden toward the people and government of Israel. Each time I open Instagram, I’m confronted with the devastating reality of thousands of Palestinians—many of them children—being killed. This has made it incredibly difficult to feel compassion for anyone who supports Israel’s actions.
Then, one day, I came across the Thich Nhat Hanh quote mentioned earlier, and it gave me pause. There’s no doubt that the people of Palestine are enduring immense suffering (and will continue to as long as the world allows Israel to continue on its bloody rampage). But it’s also true that the people of Israel (even the IDF soldiers who are murdering and displacing Palestinians) are suffering too. In this tragic situation, there are no true winners. Lumping all Israelis together as “evil” and stoking my hatred towards them is not helpful. In fact, it mirrors the same divisive mindset that drives the harm I so strongly oppose. Again, the fact that I see the suffering of both sides does not excuse what is taking place and does not change my unwavering support for Palestine. It just means that instead of letting my anger boil into hate, I am trying to use it to take action, speak up, donate, etc.
Anger is an important and wise emotion but hatred is not. Hatred breeds polarization which only perpetuates patterns of violence, oppression, and disconnection. I truly believe that as long as we continue to see people as “others” and as long as we refuse to see our shared human suffering, there will be no peace in this world. To make the change that we want to see we need our minds to remain open and our hearts to remain soft. Because when it comes down to it, we are not separate, we are connected.